What if you and your fanny could finally make peace? You have dieted, exercised, and poured your fanny into a pair of jeans three sizes too small. Maybe you – like me – bought a pair of plastic bloomers designed to hook up to your vacuum cleaner and suck the fat off your hiney. Unfortunately, the Girl Scouts showed up during the procedure, seeing you through the window. They were traumatized for life, but you waddled to the door anyway in yellow plastic bloomers to buy a year’s supply of chocolate mint cookies.
Face it. Many of us spend enormous amounts of time dwelling on our derierres. On some level, we believe the world actually cares about them, but in reality most people don’t have time to ponder our plunder.
I imagine our love-hate relationship with food started in the Garden of Eden. Eve’s hormones whacked out and she had a craving for chocolate that wouldn’t quit, even though she had never tasted it. I don’t think it was an apple. Most likely, it was a large handful of chocolate beans, coffee beans, or hybrid chocolate-coffee beans that tasted like a Starbucks mocha. Now that would certainly be tempting.
And so began women’s preoccupation with the conceptual size of their fannies and other unassorted body parts. Now don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about, because I know you do. You’ve exercised, dieted, and some of you have binged, purged, and/or starved yourself – all in search of the perfect body, or a skinnier one or perhaps a less expansive model.
But if you actually succeeded in molding yourself into the dimensions you had always dreamed, bizarre men started clinging to you like chocolate on chocolate-covered raisins. The fabulous fanny acted like a creep magnet, and wacky weirdos came from everywhere to meet you because they loved your packaging. You resented this, which led you to drive through all the fast-food places in town and gorge yourself with sugary, fatty foods until you thought you would pop. The bottom like is the more you obsessed about having the perfect packaging, the more you attracted guys who wanted you for your looks and not your heart.
Perhaps you have obsessed about other body parts, and how they measure up to photoshopped standards of models and movie stars who are being eaten from within by the beasts of bulimia and anorexia. Eating disorders create an imploding black hole that always ends in darkness and has swallowed up many lives due to heart failure and other complications.
Tooshie: Defeating the Body Image Bandit is for anyone who has been weighed down with feelings about food, fat, and fannies. (The ebook will be out Summer of 2014, Lord willing). You will experience resounding joy when you completely grasp that God is much more concerned about your heart than your fanny. Of course you know this in your head, but when you truly feel it in every cell of your body, you will wrestle with the Body Image Bandit and win. Finally, you will be protected from the Body Image Bandit – the Enemy, the Accuser, and the Father of Lies, who continually works to convince you that your value comes from outer beauty as opposed to inner beauty. The answer to the cultural lie of, “To be thin is to be beautiful and beauty is everything,” is the truth: “Man looks at outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.”
© Cherrie Herrin-Michehl, MA, LMHC and Fannies: Reflections on Cookie Dough, Life, and Your Derriere and Fannies: Reclaiming the Plunder of the Body Image Bandit, 2007 – 2047. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Cherrie Herrin-Michehl, MA, LMHC and Fannies: Reflections on Cookie Dough, Life, and Your Derriere with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.